Love - Is it Dictated or Chosen?

Does it sing like the hymn of a thousand years,
Or is it just pop emotion? - Indigo Girls, Mystery

I have spent a lot of time in my blog pondering the nature of love. I am reading a new book - The Five Languages of Love - recommended by A. In this book the author, Dr. Gary Chapman, discusses the differences between "falling in love" - that euphoric early stage in a relationship and "love" - what comes after that.

He posits that "falling in love" is not a choice. That it is something that happens to you involuntarily. While I see his point, I don't know that he is 100% correct. I have fallen in love involuntarily - without trying or thinking. I have also been hurt immensely by doing this. I have suffered my greatest heartbreaks when I jumped in without thinking.

After so many heartbreaks, I am in a different place and disagree with Dr. Chapman when he states that "falling in love" generally occurs before being in "love." I agree with him that generally this is true. But, honestly, I am not sure that it will ever be true for me again. I am entirely too damaged and afraid to let my emotions run away with me ever again. I want nothing more than to skip the euphoria and go straight to the "love" part - the part where you CHOOSE to be in love with the other person. You choose to do things that make them happy, you choose to do supportive things for them, you choose to spend your time with them.

After reading the first half of the book, I realize that is what I am doing now. Choosing to fall in love (not there yet, folks, don't get crazy). Choosing to learn about and care about another person. I have my eyes wide open. I know his flaws - whether I have seen them firsthand or not - I know (or have a good idea) what they are. And I will continue to look for new ones to ensure that they are things I can live with. But something I have done is make a choice. I am choosing to make this work. I am not falling helplessly in love. I am choosing to care for this man - to whom I am attracted (and could do the euphoric fall in love thing if I were willing to let go). I think he is coming from the same place. I think this may be the reality of post-divorce/post-heartbreak relationships.

Anyway, just some musings on a Wednesday morning.

Take care, dear readers.