Company in my Alone-ness

Last night, after a long day of self-discovery and self-examination I called my friend G. to have dinner. That was a stroke of genius. G. was the perfect friend for the perfect time in my life. G. came to my apartment and we shared a glass of wine while I explained to him what I have been going through. He kind of chuckled and said, "then you think your car isn't good enough, so no one will love you because of that, and your clothes aren't good enough, etc., etc." I was glad that he chuckled and glad that he shared.

This morning I met with my friend C. and we watched the ING marathon and half marathon. Again, a perfect choice of someone to spend time with in my crisis. I explained my alone crisis to C. and she, too, smiled. She said there are times when she just crawls up in a ball on her bed and cries. But she also said that she is at peace with her alone-ness. That she didn't know how she would make time for a relationship anyway - she has chosen to invest her emotions in her friends and she has been successful in that and is reaping the benefits.

This has all been very comforting to me. I am not alone in my alone crisis. Everyone goes through this. Everyone has moments when they feel worthless, useless or hopeless. Everyone is their own harshest critic. Everyone is worried that they won't find someone to love them or someone they can love. Everyone gets through this - and I will, too. I have good friends, I have been lucky enough to fall in love and have people fall in love with me. I am successful in my career. I have a lot going for me.

As for today, I am feeling comforted by the fact that I am not truly alone.

Take care, dear reader.