I was out to dinner on Friday night and my dinner companion (the sorta/kinda) confided in me that he felt slightly out of place at the trendy restaurant. I didn't feel incredibly out of place at the restaurant, but I did have a similar experience very recently that I have not, to this date, shared with anyone.
My friend hosted a function to support his business at an art gallery. There was fancy finger foods, drinks, and art. Those things don't intimidate me at all. What did make me uncomfortable was the incredible amount of thin, beautiful girls. I'd say women, but my guess is that they are all younger than me by about 9 years. I felt so clunky, clumsy, short, frumpy next to them. I didn't eat a bite at the party.
The new Oprah magazine came out and it is an issue on beauty - not becoming more beautiful necessarily but accepting and embracing the beauty you already have. There is a quote in the magazine that says that investing in "Gorgeous" is always a losing proposition - you will eventually lose your entire investment (god willing you live that long).
I was 26 once. And I'm sure I was beautiful then. And I'm sure that I intimidated 35 year olds. But I didn't have the self-awareness that I have now. I didn't have the appreciation for my life, my family, my friends that I have now. I hadn't gone through a divorce (in fact, I wasn't even married yet). I hadn't begun to drink my way out of my problems. I hadn't taken a good look at my life and determined what I wanted or that I even deserved anything more than what I'm getting.
So, the next time I find myself in that position, I am going to excuse myself to the restroom and take a look at myself in the mirror noting that every lesson i've learned is a line upon my face and i wouldn't have it any other way.
Take care, dear reader.
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