Success?

How do you measure success in an endavor like mine? Do you measure it in tears not cried? Good decisions made? Contented evenings spent at home alone?

By any measure last night was a success, though it started out looking like a failure. First off, I had planned to visit Pete the spin instructor last night. However, the weight of the day got to me and all I wanted to do was go home, open a bottle of wine and enjoy my back porch.

I did not do that. What I did was go home and take a nap. Then I went to publix to buy some junk food (if I wasn't going to drink I might as well eat, right?). I did buy junk food, but didn't end up eating it.

Divine intervention stepped in and the power went out. I could have gone back to the wine/back porch plan. I didn't. I put on workout clothes and went to the gym. Then I stopped by Chipotle on the way home and got a burrito (no chips).

So, count one for me - good decision made - on the no drinking, working out, eating healthier part.

At the gym I heard a song that always brings me to tears. It is ironically entitled "Last Tears" and it is by the Indigo Girls (there is a version on youtube - I highly recommend you check it out). It is a song about getting over someone. I listen to it nearly every day as a reminder to stop crying, but all it does is make me cry more. Go figure. Anyway, last night at the gym it came on my ipod. I didn't fast forward. I listened to it, felt it. But didn't cry.

Count two for me - tears not cried.

After the gym, the meal, I settled in on the couch for the evening (it was 8pm after all). I got sucked into the movie "Auntie Mame." What fun that movie was. I really enjoyed myself. I went to bed around 11pm and fell fast asleep.

Count three for me - contented evening spent alone.

This is not to say there will not be set backs. There will be. But for yesterday, I won.

I beat my fear of aloneness by a score of 3 - 0.

Take care, dear readers. I'll be kicking ass one day at a time.