The Woman in the Mirror

I am sitting here tonight waiting for my date to come over. I should be all jittery and excited, instead running through my head is a conversation I had with someone earlier today. He said to me - his face full of revelation - you don't know how other people see you, do you? (yes, this is the second time you've made my blog lol).

And dear God, he's right. Every once in a while I get a glimpse. When they asked me to be President of Ovarian Cycle I got a glimpse into how they viewed me - as a strong leader with the capability of taking this organization into the future. Sometimes in the eyes of a date you can see how they view you - pretty, charming, etc. Sometimes speaking with a friend and they laugh at a joke you can see that you might be funny.

But what do I see when I look in the mirror? Every bad thing that has ever been said to me has stuck. Dr. Phil (God help me for quoting him but he's right in this case) has said that it takes 10,000 compliments to erase one insult. I look in the mirror and I see the full face that S complained about. The fat arms that J complained about. The fear in my eyes that all these people will find out that I am not who they think I am. I believe it's called impostor syndrome - how fantastic sounding. Even more than that I am afraid that I am such a good chameleon that I can be whatever you want me to be without ever being true to myself.

Why do I think I'm so right and all these people are so wrong? The things I see reflected in their eyes, words and actions are things I've been told before - why don't I believe them?

And worse yet, I feel like I'm boring the pants off my readers because I keep grappling with the same things without getting over them! You all must be thinking - dear Lord woman, get on with it. lol.

I think about these things sometimes, but most of the time I laugh about my life. It's funny. And it's just life. If you worry all the time you'll get wrinkles. And then no 28 year old will want to go out with you...

Take care dear readers - I'm going to go check myself out in the mirror one last time. : )