Progress

First off, let me say the George Michael concert was everything that I thought it would be. He was a smart man, played all his hits, and I knew every song. I danced, I sang, for those of you who know me I did my famous hair fling (a lot), shook my ass, all in all had a great time.

Now on to my personal progress. Despite how bad I've felt and how sad I've been - I've really kept my drinking in check. I'm proud of that. In the past concerts have generally been an excuse for me to get drunk - I think I've moved beyond that and that makes me feel good.

Next - food. Again, considering my depression my diet has been pretty darned good. I've had salads for lunch, chicken breast for dinner. Generally just eating like a normal person instead of pigging out. I haven't had Moe's in a nearly a month (though I did have it at my party I didn't eat much and it isn't the same anyway).

The other issue I have is money. I'm not going to say I've been perfect with that. Owning a new home is just an opportunity to spend more and more and more and more. But I am making it, paying my mortgage and my bills and haven't cramped my lifestyle any.

On being alone: I'm happy when I come home. I love my house. I love that it is all mine. I love that it is my little haven. I don't think of it as a prison and I don't resent the quiet time I spend here. In fact, I long for a little more quiet time. Next week looks pretty good.

So by my count - I have won the battle this week 3.5 - 1.5 (I think I only half won the S battle and I probably lost the money one, too). All in all a good week.

What's coming up:

August presents some interesting opportunities for growth for me.

1) My alone vacation is in August. I am curious to see how that plays out. It is a great opportunity for me to really spend some time with myself. I hope I don't get sick of me!

2) I am allowed to speak to S again. And his birthday falls in August. So he will be on my mind a lot (as if he isn't already). It's a landmark birthday and I so wish I could help him celebrate.

3) I am not going to see A very much. He goes to Europe for a week to compete in a duathlon in Belgium for the US triathlon team (or something like that). After he returns I leave for my vacation (he is house sitting), then the week after he goes to Nashville to stay with a "friend." This will be interesting because I am really sitting on the fence about where this "relationship"(?) is going. August should give me a clue. I'm either going to miss him a ton or I'm not. Either way it is going to tell me something and there will probably be some kind of discussion come September. Though I do want to make clear that I am not interested in getting "serious" with A any time soon - I just need to decide where this headed. And nowhere may very well be the answer.

Take care dear readers, I'm beating my demons one at a time.