Rambling...

Despite the impending arrival of Tropical Storm (or Hurricane?) Fay I am enjoying my beach vacation. Today I spent most of the day in my room reading. I can't tell you how relaxing and enjoyable that was.

I have rarely admitted this here, or in my own mind for that matter. But I miss J. He was my best friend. The person I told everything. He knew me. Knew what every look, every sigh, every movement meant. Now, I won't lie, that can also be a problem because in the rare cases he was wrong he couldn't be convinced.

But this is neither here nor there.

I am not saying that I regret what I have done. I needed this time alone. I needed to feel responsible for my own life - to fly without a net. I sometimes wonder, however, what might have happened if I had had this opportunity prior to us getting married. Would it have worked?

I don't know.

I mentioned the storm rolling in to the beach. I was just out on the beach. The wind is raging, the waves are huge, the surfers are thrilled.

And I sat there, looking internally for that hole of mine.

And you know what?

I couldn't find it. I just saw a faint indentation where that hole was - like it had just been filled. And I realized that I'm content. Or happy. I'm not sure it matters.

The hole is gone. I can drink to that.

Take care, dear readers.