Giving Thanks

Here I sit - the first Thanksgiving after my divorce was final. I have thought a lot about my past and my future this week.

I reminisced about the big, wonderful Thanksgivings that I have spent at my grandmother's house. (I actually dreamt about that house this week ...). Thanksgivings with all my aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts/uncles and some "fake" aunts and uncles. There were always lively conversations, great food and just a very warm feeling.

The grandmother of a guy I know died this week. That took me back to the Thanksgiving that my grandmother spent with me the year before she died. That year I cooked "the most beautiful turkey ever" - or so she said. She was on me all morning about putting in the turkey - she was worried it would not get done in time. It did and it was beautiful and tasted great. I have a picture of my mother and my grandmother at that Thanksgiving in my office. My grandmother was alive the next Thanksgiving but was in the hospital. She did not make it to Christmas.

I received the call that she passed away while I was putting up my Christmas tree that year.

Last year S was in my life. For Thanksgiving and Christmas. I reminisced a lot about that, too. I am grateful to him for being there for me during a difficult time. I am glad we speak civilly, though not frequently, now. I don't enjoy grudges and do not carry them well. I like to believe that if I cared about you, that there is still something in there worth caring about - and I hope the reciprocal is true.

I put up my tree yesterday. I bought a new tree (a fancy pre-lit one) and thought it very fitting that I start my new life, in my new house, with a new tree. With each decoration I took out and placed on the tree, I reminisced. Each ornament has a memory attached and I relived them all yesterday. The good, the sad. They are all beautiful (the memories, that is...).

I asked my tree as I was putting it up what it would see in its life with me. Would I get married? Have children? Move into a mansion? Move into a shack? Leave Atlanta all together?

Stubborn tree would not respond. But I am looking forward to finding out with my tree what is around the next corner.

But most of all - and I said it before so I won't belabor it now - I am thankful for all of you. My family, my friends, those of you who don't know me well but send me warm thoughts. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Take care, dear readers.