That Same Fucking Fear

I said in an earlier post that I have to lose weight. I do. I feel absolutely miserable.

My diet stuff came on Friday and one would have thought with this feeling miserable and all that I would have dove right into the diet thing.

What did I actually do?

I enjoyed one last binge on all the foods I won't be allowing myself when I start.

So you would have thought that today, Monday, I would have started full boar.

But I didn't. I binged again tonight on chex mix, chips and hot sauce.

Ugh.

Why won't I just start?

Because I am terrified. I am terrified I'll fail and let myself down.

This is so unbelievably stupid.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will leave my house prepared to fully stick to this diet. Then the second day will be easier. And the third easier yet (though it is Thanksgiving).

I have done this before (lost weight) and it is never as bad as I think it is going to be. It is really the first step - the commitment that is the hard part. I just have to dig deep down and assure myself that a) I can do it and b) I am worth it.

Take care, dear readers.