Thoughts on Dating

It is no secret that I have been on again/off again dating. I have mostly been meeting these men through internet sites - both match.com and eharmony.com. It is frustrating.

First, it is frustrating to realize that you are not going to meet men the way you used to - in class, at a party - knowing that everyone there is your age and single.

Second, it is frustrating to realize that not a single of your friends knows a single guy that is worth dating.

Third, you feel a bit like a piece of meat in a supermarket for everyone to peruse and either pick up or pass on.

And all of those frustrations are before the actual date!

There are a couple different kinds of men on those sites: the kind that is looking for a quick fuck and the kind that is looking to get married. There appears to be very few in between.

What is frustrating about actually meeting these people in person. First, you wonder where in hell they got those pictures? And why they said they were 6'0" when they are actually 5'7". But those things are superficial. As long as the mans looks don't totally turn my stomach, I'm OK. I am not a terribly superficial person as is evidenced by some of the men I've dated. It is more important to me that they are interesting and treat me well.

You have a lot of first dates on those sites. Very few second dates in my experience. I think this is for a couple reasons - first, people expect there to be an instant "click". At very few points in my life have I ever felt that instant click and when I have it ended miserably (T in Chicago, for instance). Most of my good relationships have grown out of friendships and the men have literally grown on me - I wasn't attracted to them at first but eventually their attitude, sense of humor and friendship endeared them to me (as was the case with J, S and A). So, I am not sure if it is possible for me to find what I'm looking for on a website where people are looking for the instant click.

Second, there are a plethora of options. Right now I am talking to about 6 guys. I imagine that each guy is talking to at least 2 girls. So, they show up at the date, don't feel an instant click and think - well, no big deal - I have the other girl. And they keep doing that because there are so many people on that site they figure they are going to find that instant click with someone so they chase and don't give the OK first dates a second chance.

But, ultimately, what most of us are looking for is someone that we enjoy spending our time with.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for better or for worse. This doesn't mean I'm getting out of the dating game just looking at it differently.

Take care, dear reader.