The Next Step

I haven't blogged much lately because, well, there hasn't been much to talk about. And this is not a bad thing. With an adjustment in medication and some serious therapy sessions, I have pulled myself out of the crippling depression that gripped me for most of October and my life is on a very normal, even keel.

Now moving forward. This step is hard. My crippling fear of failure may rear up to hold me back. But I have plans. Plans for my life and things I want to do that reflect no one's ambitions or desires but my own.

I think running as a goal is a holdover from my marriage - that is certainly a goal my ex would approve of - but it is not my goal, not my passion. Running a half marathon to prove him wrong is the wrong motivation. Not being a quitter, I'm still doing the half marathon - but I will walk some and run some. And be happy about that.

I've begun to wonder what I want from my life. I want to teach law classes at the technical college. Maybe just for a semester, but I want to try it. I want to take acting classes at the Alliance. I want to go to spin class again. I want to get up early and get things accomplished like I used to. My job is totally unsatisfying but I have a year before I vest so I have to stay. In that year I am really going to do all that I can to determine my next step.

I am going to work on decorating my house. Paint the walls the colors I want. Buy the accessories I want. Make it my haven.

Anyway, the point is that it looks like I'm about to take the next step. And I'm scared. And I'm excited. But most of all, I'm ready.

Take care, dear readers.