Name 5 Things...

A told me that he is giving me a makeover - sort of a curb appeal meets extreme home makeover. Or somethng like that. He gave me an assignment. He told me to name 5 things that make me feel better, 5 things that make me sad, 5 things that get under my skin, 5 things that I do well and 5 things I want to change or improve in my life.

The one that really got me stuck was the 5 things that I do well. We never really think about what we do well. Or at least I do not. I sat down with my mother to try to finish my list. It is interesting to see yourself through others eyes.

This is what I came up with:

1. writing
2. making and maintaining friendships
3. speaking in public
4. fiercely loyal personally and professionally
5. problem solving

Those are pretty good things. Things to think about and hold on to. I hope to remember those things when I'm feeling hopeless and worthless.

Nearly 18 months after I left my husband, I am still learning, growng, suffering setbacks. But I feel ready to open up my heart and trust someone. Trust someone in a way that I haven't trusted anyone. I am ready for this. But I don't want to push.

I contacted the actuary on Friday. We got together last night. Dinner, drinks, etc. When he got here he told me that he was seeing someone but he wasn't sure where it was going. At that point I realized how much I had taken him for granted, pushed him away for no reason - or because I was afraid. Or maybe I just want what I can't have.

I am sorting this out. Sitting with this uncomfortable feeling I am having.

I don't know.

Take care, dear readers.