Nice Guys Finish Last

I know, I know - I swore off dating until January 1.

Who reading this thought that was even remotely a possibility? Yeah, no one raised their hand.

I reported that I am finished with A. I like A, continue to like him as a person, so I don't want this to come off weird. A is a player. He has several women, a stable, to choose from on any given night. A player isn't necessarily a bad person. A never lied to me about it nor did he rub my nose in it. But I don't want to be part of a stable. I deserve someone who just likes me (yes, I said this before). I am enduring his TN gf putting pictures of him and saying sappy stuff about him on her blog. I am not jealous, but it doesn't thrill me to see someone that I care about and that I think cares about me mooned over by some other chick.

But, I digress...

The point of this blog is that nice guys finish last. A is not a "nice" guy. He plays the game. He will show open interest, ignores the rules (or invents his own) and makes you like him almost instantly (or in my case, after 10 months). But he doesn't want a relationship, he just likes the chase.

Nice guys want to get to know you. They want to talk to you, learn about you - open up to you. The want to be, well, nice. And all of this doesn't ignite that "spark" that makes you want to spend every waking minute with them. It may ignite a slow burn that will eventually turn into that spark - but sometimes it is such a slow burn you can barely tell it's lit.

And sometimes your own expectations will douse that tiny little ember.

For instance, M (the actuary). Nice, nice guy. Told him nearly a month ago that I couldn't date right now. We remained friends and I'm probably going to go out with him again later this week. I want to give him an honest chance because I liked him before my mind started freaking out. And I can't guarantee my mind won't start to freak out again.

Another for instance, I had a date yesterday with B. That was why I thought I was going to throw up. I met B on a different online thingy (match.com feels like a meat market). Anyway, met B yesterday for brunch after a couple days of exchanging many emails and a phone call (yes, dear readers I used the fucking phone). Had a nice brunch, I really enjoyed it. It is hard for me to get over the difference between how someone really looks and how they look in their pictures. He resembled his pictures but didn't look exactly like them. This is not to say he wasn't good looking - he was. Just the disconnect is hard for me to get over. Of course I should probably assume that they are thinking the same thing with me ("there was no double chin in her picture..."). Anyway, there was no spark (there was more there than with M, but not like S or A or....).

But then I was thinking yesterday afternoon - what the hell am I expecting from a first date? Most people I have had that spark with I have known for many months before it blew up. Why do I expect it to be there in a first date? I don't live in a freaking movie or a soap opera (despite the blog title). I live in the real world, with real people, who are sometimes boring, sometimes nervous, sometimes make a better second or third impression.

At the end of brunch yesterday B hugged and kissed me on the cheek (was he aiming for my lips and I turned my head? who kisses a girl on the lips for the first time waiting int he valet line in front of Babette's at 1:15 in front of the church crowd?). Now I'm wishing I hadn't turned my head or did (if I didn't) so that he would have kissed me full on. But I'm an idiot.

Anyway, I think I digressed again...

The point is B said he'd call me later this week. What does that mean? I sent him an email thanking him for brunch and that I had a nice time and that he has nice hands (I once commented on finding male hands attractive). But I haven't heard anything back. Is he going to call? Did I disappoint?

I think I did it again (digressed)...

Anyway, the point of this damned blog is this: I'm giving the nice guys another chance. Though reading back over this I'm starting to wonder if the spark with B wasn't maybe just a little bit more visible than I'm letting on. Or that he is playing the game correctly. Or ....

Ugh.

Take care, dear readers before I digress again...