Avoidance

I avoid dealing with difficult issues. Perhaps that is why I am over-concerned with S. I'm avoiding the real issue - my failed marriage.

I am not sorry about the divorce. But I miss my friend. J and I were such good friends. We could complete eachothers sentences. We enjoyed the same things. Hell, we practically grew up together - meeting and starting to date when we were 22. I remember when we were friends and we said, no matter who each of us married we'd get together and watch the Superbowl together.

Now he won't return an email.

I know that when I chose to get a divorce that I no longer had the privilege of dictating what our relationship would be like. But I really never thought it would cease to exist entirely.

And for that, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for so many things related to my marriage/relationship with J.

A man recently asked me about something in my past that I wish Ihad handled differently. I was honest and told him how much I regrettted the way I ended my marriage. I haven't heard from him since (which I predicted). But it's true. It is my life's only regret.

J has moved on and is dating someone new. I have heard not so flattering reports about her. That makes me sad. I want him to be happy. I really, really do. Though I will admit these not so flattering reports may be things that he is looking for; many of our friends wives were aspiring stay at home moms that also had nannies. I could never be that girl. I have heard the new girl is a bit uppity - so maybe that works for him. I don't know.

But I miss my friend. I just keep sending emails - about ND, the UFC, general friendly emails - with the hope that eventually he'll respond and we can be friends.

Take care dear readers - I'm giong to try to face the real issue.