Give Me a Break!

I am a good friend. I am a supportive friend. When my friends are down I do my best to cheer them up. When my friends have slipped - on their diets, workout goals, personal goals - I encourage them. Tell them that no one is perfect and they can get back on track tomorrow. I tell them not to beat themselves up - that they're doing great.

So, dear reader, why is it that I find it so difficult to be a good friend to myself? When I slip up I am my harshest critic. I beat myself up. I tell myself that I'm no good - that I couldn't stick to that goal (whatever it is) anyway. I know you have read in this blog moments when I've overcome this self-flogging. Today, however, I am struggling with it. That inner voice is telling me that I'm no good - I don't have the discipline to stick to my goals, so why bother. Just go back to the way things were - they weren't so bad, were they?

But they were. As hard as all of this is - and have no doubt, it is HARD - this is better than living with my head in the sand. It is better to have goals that you stick to 90% of the time than it is to live your life at the mercy of what you're In The Mood to do. It is better to feel good about yourself 80% of the time than to never feel good about yourself - or even worse to not even see yourself clearly.

I'm struggling to learn from my screw up yesterday (I set off on a walk to buy a Kentucky Derby Hat and ended up drinking 4 glasses of wine). I've learned that I never feel good about myself when I drink alone. So, that has to go. I have learned that drinking after an emotional situation (I did an exercise in that stupid book about how my parents modeled marriage - stay tuned there'll be a post on that later, once I get it all sorted out) is not a good idea for me. And finally, I've learned that Moe's is the devil.

So, today I'm picking up the pieces. Fighting the urge to pull the covers over my head and not leave my little condo. Fighting the urge to just run away (though I actually might do this - in a positive way). Fighting the urge to quit this self-discovery. Fighting the urge to listen to my negative inner voice. Fighting, fighting, fighting.

Take care, dear reader. I'll be boxing with shadows.