If you had asked me a year ago whether I believed in karma, I would have answered definitely not. Ask me the same question today and I will answer definitely yes!
As I've whined here in these pages, my exbf (S) broke up with me just over a week ago. In an email. After a week of minimal communication. I was devastated. I felt like less than nothing - how could you just throw away someone you cared about so easily? Like throwing out the trash. I deserved better.
And then it hit me. That was the way I left my marriage. I don't regret leaving my husband, it was the right thing to do - for both of us. I do, however, regret how I did it. My ex deserved better from me. And I left my marriage in the most cowardly way possible. I don't like to travel in regrets and this is my only one. I wish I had been stronger and given my ex the courtesy of explaining to him face to face why I was leaving. I am sorry that I have caused him unnecessary pain. That really weighs on my heart.
Anyway, I'm on my own now. I have one final date tonight and then I'm finished. It is time for me to start dating myself. Treating myself well. My life is an open book with minimal limitations. It is time to find out who I am alone. What do I enjoy doing? Who do I enjoy spending time with? After I sit with my aloneness for a while, maybe then I'll consider dating.
Take care, dear readers. I'll be paying my penance.
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