I have discussed my running (love and hatred of it) here in the past few days. I have set a goal for myself and have enlisted A to help me achieve it.
I have decided to run the Thanksgiving Half Marathon. I know, I've set goals before and failed to reach them.
This one is going to be different. It HAS to be.
When I was with J he told me that I lacked self-discipline. That I couldn't stick to a workout or training plan. Basically that I am weak and lazy (thought, admittedly, I don't think he ever used those last two words - it was the message I was hearing). And all the goals I've set in the past year that have gone unmet have done nothing but reinforce my idea that I can't do it - that I have no self-discipline. I've allowed those words to create who I am.
While going over my training plan today A asked me about my motivation. I told him I wanted to do it to prove to myself that I could. That I am not lazy, undisciplined. That I can set a training progam and stick to it. I nearly cried saying it (am nearly crying typing it).
I am terrified of failing at this. Afraid that it will be just one more person in my life who will see that I am undisciplined.
But mostly I am afraid that I will just continue to believe it.
Take care dear readers, I'm running on pure emotion.
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1 comment:
You're going to do it! And I need to piggy-back on you motivation/determination because I struggle from the same lack of self-discipline.
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