The Bottom Line

I have had a serious boyfriend/husband/live-in for the last 13 years of my life. Someone always there.

For the last four and a half months I have been, for the most part, alone.

It has at times been uncomfortable - thus the frenzied dating. Trying desperately to get someone to fit into that mold. To be "that" guy.

My mother said something interesting to me last night - she said, "Diva, what if the bottom line is that you are just enjoying being alone right now?"

Hmmmmm. What if that is it? What if I am totally satisfied with my life as is and that is why I keep sabotaging my dates (which I am obviously doing). The actuary, the horny brit, the new guy - they are all wonderful men. Men who deserve to be treated well and with respect (well maybe not the horny brit).

My roommate (who I dated if you remember) asked me the same thing - why am I bothering when it is obvious that I'm not giving anyone a chance.

I find myself out on these dates and all I think about is how I'd rather be home alone or with my friends or family. If this isn't a "sign" I don't know what is.

I took most of this week off and just reveled in my own company. I did clean the house but that was about all I accomplished.

What have I done? I've enjoyed myself.

So, take care, dear readers. I'm alone and happy.