What to do, what to do...

I'm not sure what to say today but I feel the need to say, well, something.

My job is unsatisfactory. There, I said it. The job I have been working for since I started with state government is unsatisfactory. We are going through a huge budget crisis and for that reason nobody cares about the legal aspects. Not to say that they cared before. I feel useless. I am doing very little real legal work which I fear is dulling my skills. And worse yet, the more unsatisfactory it is, the less I want to go to work at all. I have taken this week off - though I am still doing everything I would do if I was in the office (spare my 1:00 naps) but I'm just not there. I am considering, once again, leaving for private practice or business. It is a bad time to look for a job for a couple reasons: a) no one is hiring and b) I haven't vested with the state yet - I am within a year. So, I'm stuck for a year.

Now there is an upside. I am sitting at my house writing this. No one cares that I am not at work. There will be very few jobs that offer me this kind of flexibility.

But I need to feel important in my position - like what I am doing matters to someone.

Ugh.

On the dating front, I am once again taking myself off the market. Or as A would say, putting myself on the shelf. I tell my dating tales and I see the looks in my friends eyes saying - "why are you doing this again? shouldn't you take some time off?"

I know they are right. But I've been officially single for nearly a year. My ex-husband has moved on. My ex-boyfriend has moved on. A friend of mine's husband died last year, she has moved on.

Me? I'm stuck! Or at least not open to a relationship. And that aggravates me. I feel like I'm on the short bus when it comes to relationships (which I likely am...).

Ugh. Again.

Take care, dear readers, I'm leaving my options open.